The Wisdom of Small Truths: Building Trust Through Daily Transparency
- Dawna Peterson
- 23 hours ago
- 3 min read
Mark grew up in a family that told lies on an everyday basis. Some were lies of omission: keeping secrets to avoid friction. Some were simple white lies to avoid hurt feelings. Some were efforts to cover his ass because his father's punishments were unpredictable, and often violent.
Unfortunately, he brought this pattern into our marriage. When Dawna asked, "Do I look cute in this? Did you eat the last piece of pie? Did you remember to call the repair shop?" Mark was likely to give her the answer he thought she wanted to hear, whether or not it was the truth.
"I would never lie about anything important," he reassured her. But that was not reassuring. And it took years for Mark to understand that and to change his behavior.
The parable of the dishonest manager in this Sunday's Gospel speaks directly to the importance of faithfulness in small matters. Jesus says bluntly: "Whoever is faithful in very little is also faithful in much, and whoever is dishonest in very little is also dishonest in much."
For married couples, this principle illuminates the importance of transparency even in minor daily interactions to create deep and lasting trust.
The Compound Effect of Small Deceptions
Research consistently shows that trust doesn't only erode through dramatic betrayals, but through the accumulation of small deceptions. Successful couples maintain what Dr. John Gottman calls "emotional attunement" – a consistent awareness of and honesty about each other's inner worlds. This awareness starts with transparency in everyday moments: where you went for lunch, how much you spent at the store, or whether you really enjoyed that movie together.
When spouses are dishonest about such small matters – by minimizing a purchase, exaggerating details of their day, or concealing minor frustrations – they can create"negative cycles" of emotional disconnection. These cycles compound over time, making larger conversations about finances, parenting, or intimacy increasingly difficult.
Practical Transparency in Daily Life
Building transparency doesn't require dramatic confessions or oversharing every thought. Instead, it means cultivating honesty in routine interactions:
Sharing your actual emotional state when asked "How was your day?"
Being upfront about spending, even for small purchases
Acknowledging when you're frustrated rather than claiming "nothing's wrong"
Admitting mistakes immediately rather than hoping they won't be noticed
For people like Mark, who grew up in families where telling the truth could have painful consequences, learning to keep the faith in small ways can require real courage to make themselves vulnerable. But it can be worth the effort. Research on vulnerability shows that couples who practice "shame resilience" – the ability to acknowledge imperfections without defensiveness – report significantly higher relationship satisfaction. This begins with transparency about small failures and frustrations.
The Faithfulness Connection
The Gospel passage tells us that character is consistent across contexts. Dawna's uncertainty about Mark's promise that he'd never lie about anything important stemmed from doubt that honesty can be split like that. A spouse who is transparent about minor daily decisions builds evidence of trustworthiness that becomes invaluable during major life challenges. Conversely, patterns of small deceptions create doubt that can poison a relationship's foundation.
Conclusion
Jesus's teaching about faithfulness in small matters offers married couples a roadmap for building unshakeable trust. By choosing transparency in daily interactions, couples create a reservoir of goodwill that sustains relationships through inevitable challenges. In marriage, as in the parable, faithfulness in little things prepares us for faithfulness in much.
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