The Beatitudes of Marriage

Dawna has always found in the Beatitudes a profound guide for her own approach to Christian life. The Beatitudes are so important to her that her one tattoo (designed by our daughter Thea) is about them. When we read this Sunday's Gospel, we began a deep discussion on what they meant for marriage.

At one level, the Beatitudes are about relationships. The Beatitudes describe relational postures that create psychological safety within a relationship. Research shows that when we feel safe in our relationships, we grow as persons both psychologically and spiritually.

The beatitudes can also be read as a list of virtues. Research increasingly shows that character strengths (humility, compassion, forgiveness, self-control) predict marital success better than compatibility or passion alone.

Here's some of our thoughts on the Beatitudes of Marriage.

Blessed are the poor in spirit: Strength of Humility

Research shows that humility--the ability to admit mistakes, accept influence from one's spouse, and approach conflicts without defensiveness--is one of the strongest predictors of marital satisfaction. Couples who can say "I was wrong" or "I didn't think of it that way" tend to navigate disagreements more successfully.

Blessed are those who mourn: Emotional Attunement

Couples who can sit with each other's sadness, disappointment, or grief without trying to fix it immediately report deeper intimacy. Therapists encourage emotional attunement, the ability to notice, accurately read, and sensitively respond to another person’s emotional state in a way that makes them feel understood and emotionally safe.

Studies on attachment theory demonstrate that consistent, sensitive responsiveness to a partner’s distress and pain is associated with greater attachment security and stronger emotional bonds.

As Pope Benedict said, “There is no true love without suffering, there is no gift of life without pain.”

Blessed are the meek: The Power of Gentleness

Meekness does not mean being a doormat, or failing to ask for what you need in your marriage. It does ask us to deal with our issues with kindness and gentleness rather than exploding when our spouse has plucked our last nerve.

Therapists encourage couples to use soft startups  by approaching disagreements gently rather than with criticism or contempt. Research shows that how couples begin difficult conversations predicts how they'll end. Far from being weakness, gentleness and restraint create safety for spouses to be vulnerable.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness: Shared Meaning and Growth

The strongest couples are those who grow together in virtue, supporting each other's best selves, and having a vision of their marriage that is larger than individual happiness. Sharing your Christian faith, prayer, mass attendance, and a sacramental approach to marriage, creates intimacy and purpose.

Therapists urge couples to“create shared meaning” with partners intentionally building a shared system of beliefs, values, rituals, and life goals. Research on couples supports the idea that sharing values, goals, and a sense of purpose beyond individual gratification may be essential to a happy, long‑term marriage.

Blessed are the merciful: Forgiveness

Few things are as important to a successful marriage as the ability of both spouses to apologize for their parts in conflicts, disagreements, misunderstandings, failures and broken promises. Pope Francis once told couples that if they hadn't apologized to one another at least seven times during the day, they probably needed to pick up their game!

This is supported by research showing that couples who can genuinely forgive one another have longer lasting and more satisfying relationships. Forgiveness “appears to be a means of providing closure” and “sets the stage for reconciliation,” helping couples exit cycles of negativity that damage relationships.

Blessed are the pure in heart: Authenticity and Transparency

Being pure of heart in a marriage means bringing your true self to the relationship without hidden agendas. Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability and shame concludes that authenticity—“the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are”—is essential for real connection and belonging, as opposed to performance, manipulation, or perfectionism.

In her research, she shows that people who live and love “wholeheartedly” are those willing to be seen as they truly are, leaning into vulnerability rather than managing others’ impressions, and that this authentic vulnerability is the basis of intimacy and a felt sense of love and belonging.

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Blessed are the peacemakers: Repair and Reconciliation

The ability to make peace, offer olive branches, and prioritize the relationship over being "right" is crucial to successful marriage. Research shows that the happiest couples aren't those who avoid conflict but those who actively work to restore connection after disagreements.

Blessed are the persecuted: Resilience Through Adversity

When faced by external challenges, such as financial strain, chronic illness, or disaster, couples who support each other can emerge stronger. Research indicates that facing outside stressors “as a team” is linked with better relationship quality and also benefits the individual well‑being of both members of the couple.

Studies show that communal coping, where partners see a problem as “ours” and collaborate to manage it, find that this shared approach to is associated with enhanced relationship satisfaction, reduced psychological distress, and stronger perceptions of being “in it together.” Supporting one another through external challenges can leave the relationship stronger than before.