Where Your Treasure Is: Building a Marriage Rich in What Matters

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

In this Sunday’s Gospel, Jesus calls us to prioritize "true wealth" that cannot be stolen or destroyed. Research from positive psychology and relationship science affirms Jesus' teaching: true marital treasures include time, attention, shared experiences, emotional intimacy, and acts of service These are investments that cost little financially but yield lasting relationship satisfaction.

We live in a society that tells us to focus on things: a better car, bigger house, more video games. And all these things can in fact be valuable insofar as they actually improve your family life—you play the games together, you share the car, you need the extra rooms in the house for the new baby, or visiting friends and family. But material pursuits can damage marriages encouraging you to misuse your time, lose sight of hared values, and argue about how to use your wealth. Relationship research suggests that intentional simplicity, regular relationship rituals, and focusing on gratitude can work to maintain focus on what truly matters. Ultimately, couples who treasure each other above earthly possessions discover authentic wealth and build foundations capable of weathering life's storms.

A Conflict of Values

What do you truly value?

Jesus' parable challenges couples to examine what they truly value, and to ask whether their priorities strengthen or weaken their relationship.

Modern marriages face unprecedented pressures from a culture that often equates success with accumulation. We are called to more income, larger homes, newer cars, and endless possessions. Yet research consistently shows that couples who prioritize material wealth over relational wealth often find themselves spiritually and emotionally impoverished, despite their worldly abundance.

Understanding True Marital Treasures

So what constitutes real treasure in marriage? Research from positive psychology and relationship science points to several key elements that genuinely enhance marital satisfaction and longevity.

• Time and Attention. Our time, especially time when we truly focus on one another, is perhaps the most precious commodity in modern relationships. Dr. John Gottman's extensive research on marital stability reveals that couples who regularly engage in what he calls "turning toward" behaviors—small moments of connection throughout the day—build "emotional bank accounts" that sustain relationships through difficult seasons . These moments cost nothing monetarily but require the invaluable investment of focused attention.

  
  

• Shared Experiences. A lifetime marriage is a history of shared experiences: adventures shared, challenges overcome, profound moments only the two of you understand. Research by Dr. Thomas Gilovich and his colleagues at Cornell University demonstrates that activities done together provide longer-lasting happiness and stronger relationship bonds than material success. A weekend camping trip, cooking classes taken together, or even regular evening walks create lasting memories and shared narratives that strengthen marital identity.

  
  

• Emotional Intimacy and Vulnerability. Is your home your haven? Is your spouse the one person to whom you can confess your fears, express your emotions, and share youd inner child? Dr. Brené Brown's research on vulnerability shows that couples who practice emotional openness and authenticity report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and resilience. This treasure requires no financial investment but demands the courage and trust to be truly known by another person.

  
  

• Acts of Service and Kindness. Thoughtful actions such as preparing a favorite meal, handling an unpleasant task, or offering comfort during stress often communicate love more powerfully than expensive gifts. The benefits from these treasures multiply when given freely and cheerfully, and received gratefully.

When Things Become Obstacles

Jesus' parable warns of the rich fool who stored up treasures at the expense of his relationships, only to be unable to enjoy them. Similarly, marriages can suffer when material pursuits overshadow relational investments. Relationship research identifies several patterns that emerge when possessions begin to interfere with marital vocation.

• Time Displacement occurs when the pursuit of things and the work we do taking care of things consumes hours that could be spent nurturing the relationship. A report by the Center for Creative Leadership found that couples who work more than 50 hours per week to afford lifestyle upgrades report significantly lower marital satisfaction and higher divorce rates. The irony is clear: these couples work longer to afford the things they believe will enhance their lives together, only to diminish the very relationships all those material goods are meant to serve.

  
  

• Values Misalignment emerges when spouses prioritize different types of treasures. Dr. Tim Kasser's research on materialism shows that when one spouse becomes overly focused on wealth and status symbols while the other values relationship and community, marital conflict increases dramatically. As any marriage therapist will tell you, the resulting conflicts over spending, career decisions, and time allocation are among the top issues that drive couples to seek counseling.

  
  

• Comparison and Envy can poison marriages when couples measure their worth against others' possessions rather than focusing on their unique relational strengths. Social comparison theory explains how upward comparisons (comparing ourselves to those who have more) consistently decrease life satisfaction and relationship happiness.

  
  

• Debt and Financial Stress is perhaps the most direct way that material pursuits damage marriages. Research from Kansas State University shows that financial disagreements are among the strongest predictors of divorce, often because financial stress activates threat-detection systems in the brain that make couples more reactive and less compassionate toward each other.

Being A Faithful and Prudent Steward

In describing a good steward -- which we are all called to be within our marriages -- Jesus speaks of being "dressed for service" and keeping "lamps burning," that is, being in a state of readiness for what truly matters. In marriage, this translates to maintaining focus on relational priorities even amid life's most challenging distractions.

Here are some research-based strategies to keep investing in your marriage so you can build the treasure that matters:

• Intentional Simplicity. Simplicity doesn't necessarily mean poverty, but it does ask for thoughtful considerations of every financial decision--does this purchase help your life and relationships flourish, or not? Couples who practice mindful consumption by asking whether purchases align with their deepest values report higher relationship satisfaction and lower financial stress.

  
  

• Regular Relationship Rituals. Intentional rituals are powerful ways to keep relational lamps burning. The Gottman Institute's research identifies several key rituals that strengthen marriages: daily stress-reducing conversations, weekly date nights, and annual relationship check-ins where couples assess their goals and dreams together. Our family's understanding of how important rituals can be to a family was greatly influenced by The Intentional Family by William J. Doherty, which we cannot recommend highly enough.

  
  

• Gratitude Practices. One of the most underestimated and inexpensive ways to build relationships is to intentionally practice gratitude for the good things in your marriage and family. Whether as formal as a gratitude journal or just a regular practice shared by husband and wife over coffee or on long drives, openly thinking about the things for which you are grateful, and sharing them, can help couples recognize the treasures already present in their relationship. Research reported by Dr. Robert Emmons demonstrates that couples who regularly express gratitude for each other report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and are more resilient during difficult periods.

Conclusion

Jesus admonition to the disciples about storing up true treasure reminds us that life's true richness lies not in the abundance of possessions but in the depth of our most important relationships. For married couples, this means recognizing that some of the most important elements of relationship, such as our time, attention, vulnerability, and service, must be cultivated through daily choices.

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. When couples choose to treasure each other above all earthly possessions, they discover a wealth that truly satisfies and a foundation that can withstand any storm.